I was talking with one of my friends tonight about where Christians should draw the line on physical intimacy when it comes to dating/courting. We went round and round for a while, and I am really grateful for the talk because it clarified a couple of things in my own mind, things that I just want to get written down somewhere. Here.
First of all, this argument deals with determining what the Bible would say about physical intimacy, not about what the culture would say. I really dont care what culture has to say about this issue because it has shown its ability (or lack thereof) to satisfy with sex. Its meaningless outside of God. Everything is.
So, the Bible very clearly states that the marriage bed is undefiled, and that people should not commit adultery. Essentially, the Bible very clearly states that God designed sex to be between one man and one woman, within the confines of marriage. Now this is important for me because it helps to answer the age old question that me and my friend were discussing tonight, and that is, “how far is too far?”
From what we know of the Bible, it describes sexuality in general as being MONOGOMOUS. That means that if you are practicing proper sexuality, you are ONLY practicing it with one other person. To be monogomous sexually means you have only one sexual partner. The Bible mandates that we all be monogomous sexually. That sex is, by design, a monogomous occurrence.
SEX = MONOGOMOUS
I would say that sexuality has no place in any relationship that is not by definition a marriage relationship. That means a man/boy has no claim on the body of the female he is dating/courting, and vice versa. To put any kind of sexual claim on the other person’s body is sin, cut and dry – crystal clear.
The debate for most then becomes, what is the difference between sexuality and love? My buddy’s argument was that the difference is not just in the action but in the motivation behind an action. I agree. This divides all physical intimacy into two distinct categories. 1. That which is by its very nature sexual and 2. that which could be either sexual or a demonstration of innocent love, depending on the person’s motivation/intention.
The real question is, where do you draw the line between the two categories? Holding hands? Kissing? Making out? Oral sex? Honestly, people fall all over the spectrum in their personal convictions on the issue, and the following is the guiding factor in my decision.
Sexuality is monogomous by its very nature. Love is something that is to be freely given as much as possible. Love is the proof of Christianity. So we could set the test up in this way. Would you, as a boyfriend to a certain little lady, be ok with her holding hands with someone else, as a demonstration of her love for that person. Maybe its her sister, her mom, her brother, her cousin, her close girlfriend? Almost everyone says thats ok. What about kissing? My sister kisses me on the cheek every night before she goes to bed. Dont even try to tell me there is an ounce of sexual motivation occurring on either side of that tender transaction. Some families even kiss each other on the mouths. Its weird for most of us, I know, but it happens, and its just how that family shows affection. Its a generally accepted practice for some people.
I have never encountered a family that made out with each other. Never. No one can convince me that making out is not a sexual act. No self respecting Christian male is going to let his girlfriend make out with anyone else, including her father, mother or sister. The thought is repuslive isnt it? Rightly so. Our spirits bear witness to a natural law.
I do think that making out is where every Christian should draw the line. I understand that people disagree and they have that right, but I have the right to my interpretation as well. I think that making out with a person before you are married with that person is a sexual act occurring outside of marriage, and therefore, by its very nature, sinful. It doesnt matter whether a person’s motives or intentions were pure or not.
Comments?
